Me, Myself, or I: How to Make the Right Choice

(Spoiler: The answer is almost always “me.”)

If you’re unsure whether to use “me,” “myself,” or “I” in a sentence, odds are the pronoun is part of a compound, that is, two or more nouns joined with a conjunction.

Most of us get pronouns right when they stand alone as a subject (“I work with Alex”) or an object (“Alex works with me”) or are used reflexively, that is, referring to an earlier noun (“myself” in “I work by myself”). But when another noun and a conjunction get in the way, it can become less clear. Is it “Taylor used to work with Alex and me,” “Taylor used to work with Alex and myself,” or “Taylor used to work with Alex and I”?

To find out, temporarily remove that other noun and the conjunction. Which modified version sounds right, “Taylor used to work with me,” “Taylor used to work with myself,” or “Taylor used to work with I”?

It’s “me,” clearly. Pronouns don’t change grammatical case or switch between personal and reflexive simply because they’re part of a compound, so if “me” sounds right when used alone, it’s also likely correct when part of a compound: “Taylor used to work with Alex and me.”

What about compounds that don’t lend themselves well to that test, like “Just between you and me, grammar gives me headaches,” “Just between you and myself, grammar gives me headaches,” and “Just between you and I, grammar gives me headaches”? If I omit “you and,” none sound right, because “Just between me,” “Just between myself,” and “Just between I” are nonsensical.

In those instances, try temporarily swapping the nouns in the compound instead, so that the pronoun in question comes first: “Just between me and you, grammar gives me headaches,” “Just between myself and you, grammar gives me headaches,” and “Just between I and you, grammar gives me headaches.”

Once again, “me” becomes the clear choice. Pronouns don’t change grammatical case or switch types because of where they fall in a compound either, so the original sentence should be “Just between you and me, grammar gives me headaches.”

Although these tests can help in some situations, they won’t in others, like predicate nominatives (“It’s I who should know better”) and elliptical/implied constructions (“Alex would know better than I”), but those will have to wait for their own posts.

Grammar Trivia for Geeks

Before the twentieth century, “myself” was an acceptable substitute for “me” or “I” as subjects and objects, but because critics have since convinced enough readers that those uses should be avoided—and because those readers’ perceptions matter—I’d personally reserve “myself” for the reflexive (“I work by myself”) or emphatic (“I did the work myself”), with rare exceptions. Trust your instincts but keep an eye on those compounds.

Incorrectly using “I” instead of “me” is an example of hypercorrection, when we try so hard to be correct that we accidentally end up wrong. That’s one reason why the answer to the “me,” “myself,” or “I” question is almost always “me.” We tend to hypercorrect to formality instead of the other way around.

The other reason the answer is almost always “me” is that pronouns referring to the speaker’s or author’s self typically come last in compounds, so when that pronoun is part of a compound subject, the other noun and conjunction don’t get in the way between the pronoun and the rest of the sentence (“Alex and I used to work with Taylor”), and our instincts work fine.

But in most instances when a compound functions as an object, that other noun and conjunction do get in the way (“Taylor used to work with Alex and me”), so when we find ourselves scratching our heads, odds are the pronoun is part of an object, and the objective case is “me.”